Should I have a child free wedding?
This is an age-old debate since the first caveman took his cave-partner for the cave wedding. Everyone around you will want to give you their $0.02 on why you should or shouldn’t. You will find these answers will vary greatly depending on if the person themselves is a parent or not. The only real answer is there is no blanket answer for everyone, and it comes down to individual circumstances. I’m not going to try and sway you one way or another, but we will explore both sides of the argument to help you decide.
The Pros of going child-free:
The first and biggest reason for having a child-free wedding is that it is a good excuse for everyone to be fully involved and immersed in your wedding day. Your guests can enjoy themselves, talk with each other, let their hair down, and party until the end. They aren’t distracted or weighed down with the restrictions of having their own children present. Having children present at a party definitely changes the vibe, there’s no denying it.
The other reason that may be front of mind for you is that kids can be disruptive. Babies can scream, toddlers can wander, kids can have tantrums and knock things over. All of these could be distracting during moments like your vows or speeches. There are no do-overs, and you want to get it right. You’ve spent a lot of money for this one day. Needless to say, the stakes are high.
Another aspect of why you may be considering a child-free wedding is that you just feel like the vibe overall would be better suited to an adults only party. You may have some guests that you know will get particularly rowdy, and that might be exactly your idea of what you want in a wedding reception. It’s completely understandable if your idea of a party is closer to a night club than a family gathering. It is your party, after all.
The last point is a small one, but it’s still valid if you are a visually minded person. Sorry if this one sounds cruel but I have to mention it! Child-adjacent items can detract from the aesthetics. If you worked hard to have all the perfect details on your table settings, then a box of crayons may not exactly fit in. A pram in a photo is not necessarily pleasing to the eye for a wedding album. Now I’ve said it, so you don’t have to feel bad for thinking about it.
It is also worth mentioning that there are certain venues that enforce adults-only, or you could be restricted by head-count, due to budget constraints or venue limitations, and having it child-free could help on both fronts. You might also be not particularly close with some of your guests children, and in turn those kids aren’t overly thrilled to be there themselves.
Thus far, you may be thinking child-free is the way to go for your wedding. But let’s not jump the gun without first hearing from…
The case against going child-free:
The biggest, and most important drawback of having a child-free wedding is that it is a very big impact on those guests that do have children. To some, this may actually be a deal-breaker, and they simply can’t attend. If you don’t have kids of your own, then I can’t expect you to understand this, but it’s not always as simple as just getting a baby-sitter. Some parents do not have the financial or logistical means to arrange care for their child, especially if they are very young. The younger they are, the more dependant they are, on the mother or primary carer in particular. You need to be prepared to accept this as a VERY valid reason, and it’s definitely not the case that they don’t care about you or your love story. This is especially true for a destination wedding. Long travel can be hard with kids, as well as arranging care in an unfamiliar area.
Another thing to consider is that almost all of the negative risks of having kids at a wedding can be minimised or avoided if planned for. Kids will usually only tend to misbehave if they are bored or hungry. Give them some colouring books, and/or plan your schedule so that there is not too much downtime between events. Make sure they aren’t seated for 2 hours before kids meals are served. Be considerate. Things like this. Kids meals are usually nuggets and chips, so your caterer / venue won’t charge you the full seat price most of the time.
Lastly, Kids are fun! They lighten up the mood, and they are cute. A toddler in a 3 piece suit with a bow tie is a great addition to your wedding photo album. If your dance floor needs jump start, then the kids are usually the first to get their boogie on and break the ice.
If you do go ahead with a child-free wedding
Make your instructions clear. Specify the age limit, not vague messages like “no kids.“ Address your save the date directly to those who are invited only, eg “Steve and Mary”, not “the smiths” as a soft hint to begin with. Re-iterate in your invitation that it is indeed only the adults invited. Use some kind words, such as “As much as we adore your little ones, this wedding is strictly an adults only affair.” Make sure you let guests know from the outset. Don’t inform the of the child free policy after they accept your invitation.
Lastly, explain why you’ve made the decision. If you are concerned about offending some, it’s worth reaching out to them individually before the formal invite arrives.
Overall, it comes down to what your guest list looks like, and what is most important to you. If a large portion of your guests have young children and you are planning a wedding that involves a fair amount of travel, there is a good chance that you might receive a few apologies on your RSVP cards. If having a raging adults-only party vibe is a non-negotiable must have, then child-free may be the way to go. The same can be said for or any of the other reasons, listed here or otherwise.
There is no balnket right or wrong answer here, so whatever you choose, make sure you stand by decision! It is your day, after all, and it’s your party, so things should be as you envisioned. Best of luck to you, and happy planning 🙂
